I recently had a baby and haven’t held a “real job” in over a year and a half. This simple fact leaves me feeling like I have no useful purpose to the world and its comings and goings. In social situations I am often asked, “Do you work?” I answer “No,” but add a quick, “But I stay busy with Emma.” I say it as if my disclaimer will make me feel more important. It doesn’t. Generally, the conversation comes to a screeching halt because the person I am talking to doesn’t know what to say next.
When a woman holds a “real job,” there are a lot of follow-up questions to ask. “Oh, really? How long have you been doing that?” The person with the “real job” will then go on to explain some rather mundane details about her job that sound boring, but important. Impressed, the person she is speaking to inquires about her college days; she must have been to college to have such an important job. The conversation takes a turn when college is brought up, since this is a perfect time for the woman with the “real job” to drop in her other interests. “Why yes, in college I studied music, but found that I was more suited to Chemistry and that is why I am a Math teacher.” The other person nods and expresses his/her approval. Quite quickly the other person gets to know the woman.
Meanwhile, I am left to wonder why my conversation with the other person fell flat. What question follows, “But I stay busy…”? Most questions that the other person would ask sounds judgmental (and they usually are) or shallow like, “What do you do all day?” or “Don’t you get bored?” What would happen if the other person asked me the same questions as he/she asked the woman with the “real job”? The other person would ask, “How long have you been doing that?” I would respond, “Only 8 months and I still find it challenging. I can’t even believe I got the job. I was grossly under qualified.” The other person would nod with interest as I shared details about the job. “I am basically on-call 24/7. It is nice to be needed and I am constantly rewarded for my efforts. I get to do everything that I love. It is the perfect position for me.” Now I sound very important to the other person, so they ask me about my college experiences. To have such a fabulous job, I must have gone to college. Actually, I did. I would go on to drop in these fascinating details, "I studied music and psychology, but was never really passionate about either. I’ve always loved cooking and crafts. I would decorate the cab of a tractor, if my husband would let me and I love reading and researching topics. I enjoy being outside and swimming is my favorite sport. I am really not qualified for anything; accept maybe a gourmet decorating life-guard."
Now see, the other person got to know me. I may not have a “real job,” but I still like to feel important.
This is a blog about gratitude... for life on the farm, homeschooled munchkins, inter-cultural adventures, and God’s grace in every breath, completely undeserved. ~ By Alysun Peters
4 comments:
Alysun, please do not make me cry! Oh honey, I covet your job more than you will ever know. If I met you at a social function and you told me that you stayed home with your little one, I would have a TON of questions, starting with-- how does one find and marry the love of their life???? You are smart, educated, and extremely creative. Read that list again, and realize that in posting these blogs, you are creating a living diary of Emmaleigh. She has a mommy and daddy who loves her very much and no one in a social setting is going to appreciate that more than Emma will.
p.s. I did not finish college. I only act like it :)
Yeah Tawny! I love the essays as well as the pictures. And as one who has made similar choices I understand. You will learn different answers, or come up with questions of your own to turn the questions. I should talk even now my choice to be a Housekeeper, even if it is the one in charge, usually is a conversation stopper unless I get them going on the camp aspect!
Even though we are doing what we've been called to do, it's a thankless job. I've heard that there will be a time when even these precious babies we're raising wont appriciate us. But can you imagine hearing from the babysitter that Emma giggled today, or rolled over, or took her first step, said her first word, cut her first tooth... The night I was at work and Paul called to say Ben scooted for the first time, I cried. How could I have missed it? I'm willing to stop a few conversations in exchange for being able to watch him.
Benton's Mom
I wish that I would have been able to stay home when the girls were younger. You are lucky to be able to have that option. Being a mother is a FULL TIME REAL JOB to you, and to all the people that matter to you.
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