Self Portrait

I am continually trying to take a family self portrait with the timer on my camera. It never, never works out well. Yet, I try again and again. I subject my family to posing as I run to set the timer. My thankfully-easy-going husband and I tell the girls for 10 seconds, as the light blinks its warning, "Look at the camera. Smile!" Click.

Emma has figured out the self-timer thing. Mandy has not. "Where am I supposed to look?" she wonders.

What I really want is to record that yes, indeed we were all at this certain location, together as family having a grand 'ol time. In this case, we were at Helmick Park on Father's Day enjoying a walk in the sunshine. We went to the river and Emma threw sticks in and watched them float away. I brought along snacks and we munched them while we enjoyed the peacefully muddy river flowing by. After just a few minutes of paradise, it was shattered by a boisterous red neck family who was ready to swim. This red neck family was relishing the 70 degree weather and wore less clothing (string bikinis) than any of us were comfortable. They were smoking and swearing and grandma red neck was filming while yelling in a gravely, smoker's voice, "Amber, Troy, Clint! LOOK AT GRANDMA!! I HAVE THE CAMERA GOING." That is a video that will be a treasured family heirloom.

Emma was really fixated on taking in every detail of the dysfunctional, scantily clad family, but we pulled her away, promising donuts, and cookies. I try not to bribe my children unless there is no other option for their safety and mental health. After we pried her away, we found a shady spot for my traditional family self-portrait. Once again, it isn't a very good one. What I need is a photographer who specializes in custom photography sessions of families and children who would meet us at the location of our choice, get everyone smiling and looking half-cute and charge hardly anything for her time and talent.... wait. That's me. And I can't take pictures of myself (obviously). It's a like a hairdresser who need a hair-cut. What's a girl to do? Set the timer on her camera, I think.