A couple of my favorite books on parenting are To Train Up A Child,
Yesterday, I decided it was time Emma learned her limits in the house, so that I could work upstairs in my office without having to worry about her “playing” downstairs unattended for a few minutes – all I want is 15 minutes people!
Our afternoon went something like this:
Emma and I went upstairs to work and Emma quickly got tired of her “upstairs toys” and quietly left to go downstairs. I called after her, “Play with your toys, Emma, and be good. I will be down soon.” Well, soon I heard glass against glass and ran downstairs to see Emma playing in the flour canister. You remember the last incident with the flour, so Emma received the appropriate form of discipline and more strict instructions.
Upstairs I went and soon I heard the flour canister again. I went downstairs and Emma received the appropriate form of discipline and more strict instructions.
You may wonder why I didn’t just “child-proof” my house at this point and put the canister of flour where she couldn’t find it. The fact is, I am (or will make myself be) more stubborn than my child – she will not win this battle of wills. Upstairs I went and soon I heard the flour canister again. I went downstairs and Emma received the appropriate form of discipline and more strict instructions.
Upstairs I went and I heard absolute silence. Suspicious, I went downstairs to find Emma on the counter pouring her child-proof capped cold-medicine in to a glass of water. This is also an activity that has occurred before and she knows is absolutely not allowed. Emma received the appropriate form of discipline and more strict instructions.
Upstairs I went and soon I heard the flour canister again. I went downstairs to find Emma on the counter sitting in the sink with the flour canister. Emma received the appropriate form of discipline and more strict instructions.
I was understandably starting to lose my patience, so I took a moment to try and understand why she was having trouble obeying. I was certain she was clear about her boundaries since she was pointing to the flour canister and saying, “No, no, no, Mommy only.” I thought perhaps she was hungry and in need of some mommy attention. I warmed up some left-over noodles and told her, “I am going upstairs to turn the computer off. I will be right back and then we can eat. This is hot (pointing to the warmed-up noodles), so don’t touch. I will be right back.” Upstairs I went, saved my documents, clicked off the internet, turned the computer off and went back downstairs. Emma was on the counter again, dumping flour in to the bowl of noodles. Emma received discipline. The rest of the evening I gave her one-on-one attention and all went well – except for the fact I failed to teach her any boundaries. Jeff came home at about 8:30 and he asked Emma about her day. “No, no, no. Mommy only,” Emma replied.
This morning, I woke to hear the familiar “flour canister” sound. It was 6am. There have been 3 more incidents with the flour in the last few hours, one incident with playing with Daddy’s shaver, a toilet paper incident, and now I hear the water in the bathroom running and the “Clean-up song” being sung in a sweet 2 year old voice.
Any wise parental advice is appreciated. I’ve already ruled out a leash, day-care, a nanny, and spending my entire day following Emma around.
10 comments:
Unfortunately I have no solution for you, as parenting is not my forte, but that story have given me the giggles for 5 minutes straight. As a stubborn person I am going to assume that playing with the flour makes Mama come running and therefore appealing. But if daddy were to discipline her and next time you say "wait until your father gets home"... *horror!*
Tawny could be right. She probably has a very high tolerance to pain and simply isn't detered by the 'appropriate form of discipline'. Her Mommy wasn't. But usually the next day was better, like you just couldn't let me win. Although as you know I am not near as patient as I should be and I found it easier, even if not right, to remove temptation. Just don't leave any poisen where she can get hold of it!
Here is my advice . . . remember that God gave you that child because he knew you could handle her . . . then pray that #2 is MUCH easier! I couldn't stop laughing!! Thanks for sharing!
Hi,
I have come to MOPS all this spring and discovered your link off the MOPS site. I have enjoyed reading it.
I have a 3 1/2 year old girl and 2 year old boy. I found with my first - who is very independent and strong willed that being leashed to me at that age was quite effective. We tried many things before that during "that stage". She didn't care about other disciplines, but this one worked! We used an elmo tether and harness. She had to go with me wherever I went and sit still, until a sufficiently lengthy time out and the decision was reached by her to obey and that it would be "much more fun on my own."
We tried this during a very trying period when she was about 2 1/2. It didn't take long for her to decide obedience on her own was best.
We also have read Ted Trip's book and it's good.
Hope that helps.
I am looking forward (with trepidation) to this stage in my child's life. I am going to check out those books from the library.
So, it took me a while to figure out what my comment would be. I can totally see the humor, but even more the frustration we experince as mom's doing the best we can, and (seemingly) seeing no results. When Will was young I would look at him in a stern way and he would melt into tears. Nothing that worked with Will worked with Wyatt. He would glady get out of his bed 20 plus times and recieve the appropriate form of disciple, only to laugh and do it again. To some kids, it's just worth the spank. I learned to have many different "tools" in my "toolbox" of parenting, so to speak. It is never a science. My encouragement would be....keep doing what you are doing, perserverance does pay off in the long run. What a wonderful mommy Emma has....someone to guide her strong-willed personality into a beautiful thing. In my expericince it does get easier. So hang in there.
With our two boys being such opposites, this new little girl is bound to be the most compliant and obidient kid you can imagine! :)
As you know I'm either reading or have read those two books you mentioned but I am not going to pass along any advice because I haven't got there yet with Liam. That, and I just don't know what I would do. I'm sure the day will come and when it does I will look to your patience with Emma and flour as a beacon in the dark waters of that parenting stage. What I feel like I can do for you right now is pray for you and tell you that you are doing a good job, even if some days/moments don't seem to add up to that conclusion. Love you.
We should talk... we have kids that are cut from the same cloth and I would love to chat with someone that can relate! Let's get together at Andreas sometime soon so the kids can play and we can talk "preschoolers".
After her discipline is she tender and apologetic or still hardened? The purpose of discipline is breaking the rebellion that's CAUSING her disobediance. If she still has a rebellious spirit after "the appropriate measures", then stronger measures are in order. As strong and as long as it takes. You must win now or it will continue to get worse.
Our foster daughter lost favorite toys/dolls for repeat offenses and we held her hand as she tearfully threw her favorite doll in the garbage can on an occasion very much like the one you wrote about in your post. It came to that and we all hated it, but the behavior stopped once she believed that we would make things VERY UNCOMFORTABLE for her if she continued to disobey.
Make it not worth it to disobey. Get as stubborn and strong as she is.
my solution is clear...DO NOT LEAVE YOUR 2 and a half year alone! She is too young! What if she drank her cold medicine?! You would be wishing you hadn't taken that 15 min on the computer without her in your site! Not to mention what you've described on your blog here is criminal neglect. Not to scare you but this is serious. I never let my two year old out of my site at that age...ever. Trust me... they will get to an age where you leave them for a minute eventually. I would just hate to see something happen because I know you do care about your kid!
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