Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Cracked Up







How low can you go should not refer to women's jeans, yet it often does. Through the mid 90's to the present, we have watched the waist bands of jeans plummet further and further. Advertisers attach winning phrases like "ultra low" and "low-low rise" to these pants that barely cover our behinds. The pants may have a lower rise, yet our bottoms have not shrunk to accommodate. We feel a sense of glee when we put on those oh, so trendy low rise jeans and we stand in front of the mirror, hip flung out to the side, just like the pasty white mannequin in the store front wearing 10 sizes smaller of the same pair of jeans. We may turn around and peer at our backside too see if it is covered and yes, it is! Boy, that 6 inch rise really makes my butt look small, we think. We just ignores the roll of extra tummy skin that sits like a muffin top above the waist band. We decide to wear a longer shirt with this nifty new pair of jeans and it will cover anything that may peek out in the unlikely event that we need to sit down or bend over.







Since the beginning of low rise jeans, we've told ourselves the same lies in the dressing room: I will never have to bend over in these jeans. I will sit only in chairs that have backs on them, so no one will ever see that my butt only fits in these jeans when I am in the upright position. We get home with the nifty new pair of jeans and wear them in real life, where pasty white mannequins have never been. In real life, bending, lunging, stooping, squatting, kneeling, and sitting occurs and we quickly realize the pants are not helpful. Instead of staying put, they reveal the butt that never really fit in the jeans and our cracks are on display. The first few times this happens, we feel the rush of wind on our backsides as the low rise waist band drags down underwear that can't stand the pressure. Oh, no! we think and reach back to discover in fact, 3 inches of butt crack is showing off to the world. Tugging up on the waist band, we quickly discover that it isn't budging. We then tug down on our shirt that was supposed to be covering everything in the unlikely event we needed to bend, lunge, stoop, squat, kneel, or sit in these jeans. Whatever event that caused the bending, lunging, stooping, squatting, kneeling, or sitting is quite necessary and we give up our useless tug of war and continue on. Let's just ignore the fact that we just showed our backside to everyone standing behind us. The embarrassing incident is quickly forgotten when we stand up and everything is tucked back where it belongs under the waist band of our ultra low rise jeans. This happens again and again as we live our real lives wearing low rise jeans until one day we stop caring. We no longer even reach behind to tug up on the jeans, down on the shirt. Oh, well, we think. It happens to everyone. It is the fashion.





It does happen to everyone, if we succumb to the fashion of wearing ultra low rise jeans. But I am truly tired of seeing women's butt cracks and we must stop this crisis. Visible butt cracks (VBCs) are everywhere and I think everyone has given up. Whether it is a woman bending over in the grocery store to get something from the bottom shelf, or a mom changing a diaper of a toddler on the floor, we see your butt crack. And we don't want too. One solution to the problem is a belt. It can help keep those jeans in place and not creep down, taking your precious, concealing underwear with them. A belt is great, but it doesn't do miracles. If the pants are too low, they are too low. The only real cure for this epidemic of VBCs is to not wear pants that you cannot move in. We are not size 1, pasty white mannequins in store windows who will never have to move. We lead real lives and we have to have jeans that conceal while we are bending, lunging, stooping, squatting, kneeling, sitting. When we try on jeans in the dressing room, we can't pose like the mannequins any more. We can't succumb to the lie that our shirts are long enough. We must bend, lunge, squat, kneel, and sit before we decide the jeans will be discrete enough to not show VBC to the world. If you can't tell in the dressing room mirror, find a kind woman in the mall and say, "Hello, nice to meet you. Can you see my butt crack in these jeans?" We shouldn't be embarrassed. After all, we were going to show it too them in any event if we had to bend, lunge, squat, kneel, or sit in front of them in our nifty new low rise jeans. Any woman should be thrilled to help you because it would mean one less VBC for the rest of us.

12 comments:

Andee said...

With a platform like that, you should run for office.

Kari Wright said...

I have a DARLING pair of low rise jeans in my closet. and there they sit, because every time I wear them, I chase them, ugh! They are SO cute though! unfortunately, you're right, the belt can only do so much!

Kellie said...

Hilarious! I hate shopping for jeans and definitely avoid the "low rise" types whenever possible. They are totally not practical for mothers of small children who spend 99% of their time bent over or on the floor and who do not wish to display VBC.

april said...

Yep! I think we have somehow deceived ourselves that butt cracks are beautiful...ewww. no longer is it the plumber's problem. I know what you are saying and very well said. I guess that's why we now have the long tees to accomodate the missing part of our jeans. I do have to say though I do like the low (not too low) rise jeans, I just have to accomodate them and since I am a belt wearer it helps but I still have to be careful. Did I say "yay" for long tees? Well, YAY!!

Jenny C. :) said...

Oh my gosh...this is the best thing of my life. It is sooo true.

Love you and miss you. :)

Anonymous said...

Amen and Amen!! Preach it :)
I hate that the t-shirts became smaller and smaller along the same pace as the jeans waist plummet ;p

Michal said...

they do look so cute on a mannequin. but i am so sick of VBCs, of seeing a woman's thong underwear, of looking at muffin top (when i look in the mirror). let's start a campaign. let's go back to a midrise jean. i'm with you.
great blog! i love the quote you have about all mothers being our children's greatest teacher. well said.
i'll be back!

Ratzlaff Reflections said...

This needs to go into the MOPS newsletter. Of course, I'm probably a culprit (unintentionally, of course) since sometimes I miss the belt while rushing out the door. Makes me wonder if I am the mom you observed leaning over to change the child on the floor. Hope you liked the view!

Cathy said...

Try being 50 and finding jeans!

Annie said...

well said alysun.

Anonymous said...

A little tip passed on to me from my sister...Costco sells extra long women's tank tops that work great for covering up the BC. They come two to a pack and are in the section w/ socks, undies etc. My other sister suggests getting a size smaller than you'd normally wear because you want them to fit smoothly. They are great! I wear one every day now!

Anonymous said...

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http://myhip-t.com/
...Another solution.