Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Fallen to my knees

I was trudging along, looking at my feet in my spiritual walk. The road was easy, but still my steps were slow. When the incline increased slightly, I took any excuse to sit down, my back to the goal. I pouted and found reason to complain. With my progress stilted, every problem seemed so huge. Gentle nudges may have forced me to standing again, but sometimes I didn’t even move to take a step forward. I just stayed in one place with slumped shoulders. It wasn’t even that my burden was heavy; it was laziness that caused me to slow.

“Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross.” Heb. 12:2

As I stood in one place, something happened that knocked me flat. It was a crisis. Not just an everyday problem, but something real. A baby who was supposed to be healthy was sick instead. Parents who should have been holding their precious new son were holding vigil beside a tiny hospital bed. My nephew was born and couldn’t breath well and suddenly I realized I had forgotten the goal. I was laid flat, but I lifted my head and saw the promise.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

Because of this heavy burden, it was all I could do to crawl. And here I find myself on my knees. The goal is before me and I can see more clearly, even through my tears. My hands are bloody from dragging myself forward. And I long to walk on sturdy legs on the easy road I was traveling before. I wish I could have realized how easy it was before.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Jamin Ezra Peters, born July 25th, 2009
Struggling to breath. Praying for miricles.

My prayers are simple, but seem to be the hardest thing in the world; heal this baby completely, Lord. I want him living a carefree life, wearing out his parents, not with worry but with an exuberance for life.



Grandma Sherri said...


Anonymous said...

Before this happened I was worn out with my own kids. Wondering why God gave me so many. Feeling like my life was worthless besides the many diapers I change. It seems to be the only thing I accomplish besides feeding them. I'm sure Kelly longs for a stressful day at home with 4 children. She blogged about the amount of energy her boys have and how they'll do something mighty for the Lord one day with it. I'm praying Jamin has that energy and stregth soon too. I look at Gideon who was in the womb just 4 days longer and question the lord. I don't understand. I hardly feel worthy to have what he's blessed me with over and over. My heart is so heavy I too don't know how to pray. Sometimes I just sit as I nurse my healthy baby and just cry with the Lord. I don't know what else to do. My heart is so heavy having experienced this to a small degree with Annie. Waiting, hoping, wondering why when it's all happened so fast. I wish it didn't take this to appreciate what's right in front of me and bring me to my knees before the Lord. Season

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your updates here! I was really hoping you would take photos! They are beautiful! ~ Kelsey

Grace said...

Crying and praying here too! Thank you for keeping us so faithfully updated!

Melanie said...

My prayers also go out for Jamin and for you - his family who loves him already.

Kellie said...

Thanks for the update, I've been thinking and praying for Jamin and the entire family. I can't even begin to imagine the stress they are under.