Gadgets and Gizmos

I love gadgets. Really, really love them. I once bought a broom that had an air freshener in it.

Freshen the air while you happily sweep. What could be better? The air freshener's power lasted about 14 minutes after I brought it home and, much to my chagrin, the broom still required my efforts to sweep the floor.

I also watch info-mercials. I feel like I need to say that to a support group. Don't judge me. Doesn't everyone succumb to a Saturday afternoon info-mercial every now and then? I love how whatever gadget is being advertised is displayed so magnificently. Forget the old way of doing sit-ups. Actually, don't even attempt the old way. Buy the _____ and you will look like a body builder in 3 minutes a day. No more PAINFUL exercise.

When we moved into this house, there was an Ab Roller PLUS in the basement, discarded by the previous renters. I was so excited. I had seen the info-mercial and was mesmerized. After discovering my new/used Ab Roller PLUS, I immediately got down on the floor to magically turn my abs into rippling, tanned, visions of toned perfection. I did one crunch with my hands strategically placed on the bar. I rolled up, felt the familiar discomfort of stomach exercise and said, "Well, this is stupid." The Ab Roller PLUS went into the trash.

I come by my addiction via the gene pool. My dad can't resist a good infomercial either. He bought the Magic Bullet. True to its promise, it acts like a blender and looks like a blender, but it is smaller and you can put the top part it in the microwave. Plus, it comes with those nifty rings so you can use the bullet top as a cup to serve mixed drinks to your friends at parties. I'm still waiting on the mixed drink, Pops.

I actually bought something from an infomercial too. It was Mari Winsor's pilates video. BUT WAIT, because I ordered within the alloted time period on the info-mercial, I also got a tension band to accelerate my workouts. Plus, the generous info-mercial people threw in a recipe guide to help me shed 10 inches in 10 days (or something like that). The little booklet should have been called, "You'll Be So Hungry, Your Stomach Will Actually Eat Itself."

The workouts on the DVD are pretty fun, if you are into torturing your muscles. I do the exercises every now and again to assure myself that I still cannot lift my upper body and my lower body off the floor at the same time. That just seems unnatural. 

After that purchase, Mr. Practicle, who I am married to, asked kindly that I clear all gadget and gizmo purchases with him first. He has talked me down from quite a few highs. "But this is the BEST product EVER." You know those highs. At the time, I am truly convinced that I NEED the product. My life will never be the same if I don't HAVE that product. I will not be able to open a jar, organize my closet, do a sit-up, pack a suitcase, straighten my hair, or wash my car. Those info-mercial people are good. After the high wears off and my husband has talked some sense into me, I realize that I can function just fine without the gizmo/gadget. Usually.

But every now and then, I convince him that we need a new gadget. My newest was not "As seen on TV." To my knowledge, no infomercials have been made about remote controls for camera. If there was one, it would be very entertaining. I wanted one of these for years. A remote control that snaps a picture.... you guessed it... remotely. 

Sure the timer works. For decades, people have been setting the timer on their cameras, running to make the shot, fighting to look relaxed as they hyperventilate. But a remote is so much cooler. Like James Bond. Plus, it was pretty cheap. Stay tuned for plenty of pictures taken by remote.

There is another gadget that I think I need want. It is a fitness watch. It tracks speed, distance, calories, heart rate, shares info with other cool watch-wearing people, uploads data to the computer... and so much more.

But it is $300. Three hundred. That would buy 7.14 boxes of diapers.

It is such a super cool watch. *Sigh*. I shared my gadget envy with my husband. He once again tried to talk me down from my high. I don't like his solution: a $2 stopwatch. His argument is that since I walk the same route every day, it would be easy to map out the course, determine the distance, and set time goals for myself... with a $2 stopwatch. 

Imagine the info-mercial, if you will:

*Watch inept woman walking along, tripping and gasping for breath as she flails and fumbles with a huge, bulky stopwatch. *

Announcer says, "Tired of that big, bulky stopwatch that is so hard to manage while exercising? You need the Garmin Wireless Sport Watch. Loaded with training features, you can easily monitor your time, distance, pace, calories and heart rate on an easy to read, water resistant screen."

*Now watch a slim, sleek woman beautifully walking along. She delicately glances at her super cool fitness watch (perfectly sized for a woman's unique wrist) and smiles in blissful satisfaction. All the information she needs is indeed right at her fingertips... er... wrist.*

By the end of the scene, I would be convinced that the watch would do the work for me. In the meantime, I guess I will grudgingly admit that a $2 stopwatch WILL work. But if I look like I am tripping, gasping for breath, and fumbling while I walk, you'll know why.

What is your favorite gadget/gizmo? Please, please, please tell me I am not alone.