Martha Versus Maxine

I've been accused of being a bit of a Martha Stewart follower. I love creative, craft ideas. I can't help myself. Besides her great decorating advice, her recipes are great. I once made a cake that called for dried, sliced pineapple as a garnish. The end result looked like a cake covered in daisies. Lovely, but difficult to slice.

This email forward made me laugh:

*Martha's Way*
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.


*Maxine's Way *
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!


Martha:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Maxine:
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.


Martha:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Maxine:
Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha:
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant 'fix-me-up.'

Maxine:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'

Martha:
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Maxine:
Celery? Never heard of it!


Martha:
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Maxine:
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don't.


Martha:
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.


Maxine:
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! 'All' your pains go away.

Martha:
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Maxine:
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Martha:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Maxine:
Leftover wine??????????? HELLO !!!!!!!