I was laying on Emma's bed, trying to settle her down to sleep and I thought, "Pee-U, these sheets stink. I should change them sometime in the near future, but not right now." She was jumping all over the bed and I finally convinced her to jump right under the covers so we could pray. She prayed her usual bedtime prayer:
"Dear Jesus, thank you for the day and for mommy and daddy and Mandy," She opens her eyes at this point and looks around to see if she has forgotten anyone. "And for Daddy. Keep him safe and strong." And then I prompt her to pray for good dreams, "Hope me have good dreams and wake up happy girl in the morning so I can play."
I love her bedtime prayer. She often tells me after her prayer that Jesus likes it when she prays. Then, I wrap her up like a princess in her Bear Blankie, I give her a kiss, she gives me a kiss, I give her a hug (wub), she gives me a wub, I give her a drink out of her silly sippy cup, I ask her if she wants her door open or closed, and then I close the door after she tells me I should close it because Mandy might wake her up.
But this time after her bedtime prayer she said, "Mommy, I love you and I not want you to die."
I was touched and gave her a kiss on her little girl soft cheek and said, "Ah, Beauty, I love being your mom. Each day with you is a gift from God. I don't know when I will die, but I will always be your mom."
My response may have comforted me, but she was not reassured. She said, "I not want you to die because then you not take me to the libry and I not have any movies. I not can how to drive and I crash and not go to the libry any more."
I said, "I can tell you've been thinking about this a lot. You really like going to the library, don't you?" Emma vigorously nodded her head, "Well, then how about me and you go the library again and get some movies and I'll be your mom forever."
With a happy, "Okay, " Emma snuggled down in her Bear Blankie, I gave her a kiss, she gave me a kiss, I gave her a wub, she gave me a wub, I gave her a drink out of her silly sippy cup, I asked her if she wanted her door open or closed, and then I closed the door after she told me I should close it because Mandy might wake her up.
I love that time of day, when chaos comes to a close, the dim lights hide a messy room, and it is just me and her and her stinky sheets that I should change sometime, but not right now. It isn't just a good line from a parenting book, each day really is precious. I don't know when God will call me home and I selfishly hope that He grants me enough days to raise my babies. I have more bedtimes I want to see, more prayers I want to hear, more wubs I want to feel. I have more to teach them and more to learn. Each day is a gift from God.