Plain Sight Answers

Sometimes the best answers are hiding in plain sight.



It had been one of those days where irritations piled up like derailed train cars. When finally the children were asleep in their beds and exhaustion oozed from my every pore, I collapsed in front of the computer. To be consumed with distractions and just to relax. Jeff's farming hours are long and this was one of those times I had just "had it."



I saw a friend was online and we began chatting back and forth through instant messaging. Her words always encourage me, her home filed with many children and a husband who works evenings too. I knew she would understand, so I began unloading my day's irritations.



Something annoying happened. [Enter]


And something worse. [Enter]


And then it was something else. [Enter]


You wouldn't believe this, but it was even worse. [Enter]


It was one thing after another and I lost it. [Enter]


I acted like I said I wouldn't. [Enter]


I failed so badly today. I feel so defeated. [Enter]


This day just sucked. [Enter]




And silence from the other end of the chat. My words stared back at me and my mind raced. Why was this day so horrible? Yesterday wasn't any better. There wasn't much hope.



Finally a popping sound signaled my friend's reply.

Busyness makes me crazy!

Busyness is a life full of things that may sound important, but make a normal women feel crazy. The beautifully photoshopped women in the magazines say “you can do it all, plus a little more, while looking fantastic (your children will look fantastic too!)”. This isn’t reality.



I often need a reminder that I’m not super woman – usually I’ve just fallen on my butt when it comes to mind.

I feel so important when I am busy. A friend asks, “How are you?,” and responding “I’m SO busy,” elevates my status. We get things done, we pack our days with amazing things. La, ti, da....

Motherhood is.

"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think he enjoyed it."

~Mark Twain

1980 was a great year.

It was my birthday last week. Birthdays always cause me to reflect, but this one especially because I turned the big 3-0. This birthday finds me as a woman growing in my faith with an amazing God, married to a handsome, hardworking guy, mommy to 3 (an almost 6 year old, a 3 year old, and an almost 1 year old), blogger, canner, writer for Drops, MHO (manager of household operations), gardener, crafter, friend, neighbor, and singer in the band (worship band).

Life's full and life is good!

A decade ago, life was so different. I had just worked the summer in southern California as a lifeguard, quit college, broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year, took a solo road trip to the middle of Canada, was in a dear friend's wedding, came home to live with my parents, swore off dating for a whole year because I was tired of the drama, got a job at a tux shop and was planning a trip with my friend Janelle to Europe.

A decade before that I turned 10. (How do you like my math abilities? I don't think I've actually learned a lot more math concepts in the last 20 years). I don't remember a whole lot about my 10th year. I was in fourth grade, I was homeschooled, lived in a tiny house (740 sq. feet), shared a pink room with my sister who had decided Barbies weren't cool, wore a lot of scrunchies in my permed and still naturally blond hair, took piano lessons, liked to sew entire outfits for myself -- crafting was my life.

A decade before that I was a newborn (see, there are my math skills again). I was born on my own terms, 3 days before my mom's scheduled c-section. My mom always said it was the start of doing things my way! The year was 1980.

The president of the United States was Jimmy Carter.

The average income was $17,700.

A first class stamp was 17 cents.

A gallon of milk was $2.19.

A VCR machine was $700.

Mt. St. Helens erupted (pretty sure there was no correlation between my birth and the eruption).

Post-It Notes were invented.

Cabbage Patch Dolls were the poplular new toy.

Mini skirts, riped jeans and sweatshirts, bright colors, big hair, and leg warmers were fashion trends.

Mullets or mohawks were sported by everyone who was cool.

Naturally I wanted to celebrate this amazing year with a 1980's themed birthday party. I made some colorful invitations to set the theme and invited family and a few close friends who love me enough to wear costumes, side ponies, spiked mohawks, and blue eye liner.  Other prep involved making food to feed everyone, procuring a projector (from Jeff's mom's work) to show "Back to the Future," making a 12' x 12' big screen for the movie, and praying for some beautiful Fall weather (it was perfect!).

Please notice Jenni's scrunchy, crimped side pony, plastic-y jacket with shoulder pads, striped t-shirt dress with tule skirt, ruffle belt, purple leggings, teal socks, and white tennies. 

Classic. 

Perfection.

My parents picked up the cake and had "Sunny" printed on it since that was my childhood nickname. Ah, remember when rainbows were a good thing? Life was simple, sweet, and brightly colored. I miss those days.

I also miss leg warmers because there are so many times my ankles are chilled but not my feet or the rest of my legs.

I have totally rad friends to dress so fashionably for my party. 

 A cropped sweatshirt and short cut-off shorts... I have no words. 

Little Clara was even wearing a vintage 80's dress and beads.

I gave these two the award for "best dressed" because they found their outfits in their very own closets. That takes some skill. Kelly's purple sweatshirt had kitten on the front -- I would have been envious of that in the 80s.

Jayne went with the 1980's suburban mom look with an Oxford shirt and pearls and side braid. One universal trend in the 80's worn by all was the over-the-top make-up. Hot pink lipstick, too much blush, and blue eye make-up. 

My brother-in-law, Paul wore eye liner for the party. I was touched by his thoughfulness.

My sister's outfit was classic. Where do you even find stirrup pants these days? Goodwill in NE Salem apparently. The black wool coat with leather insets and should pads the size of Texas was a nice addition over her rayon-print blouse, tied at the waist. 

A blue mohawk to match dad's. 

The girls were happy to cooperate with the theme. Blue hair? Sure mom.

Nearly everyone dressed up, with the non-costume-wearers feeling like the weird ones.

I had so much fun and appreciate everyone's efforts.

At dark, everyone settled down to watch "Back To the Future" (way more swearing in it than I remembered. Eek). The night was perfect with the projector and sound system that Jeff moved outside. He also built the huge screen. Nothing says "love" like a guy setting up his sound system outdoors... and wearing a costume for his wife's 80's party.

And I certainly felt the love! 30 (and beyond) is going to be a great year.

Dear Mom, it's my birthday.

Dear Mom,


On my daughter’s birthday, I stopped on the way to our little-girl-festivities to buy myself a gift. The day was all about her, yet I treated myself because I think of her birthday as partly my day too. No one got me a present or said, “Nice work on the child you bore and are raising.” But I was there. I fell in love with a precious child and became a mother to her on that day. I put in the hours and the emotion. It’s a special day for her... and for me.



So, I bought myself a coffee.



Today is my birthday. But I didn’t have to tell you that Mom. I’m sure the memories swirl around you, some vivid and some vague of a day 30 years ago. You became my mother, my life support. You remember because you were there. I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you.



Thank you for carrying me in your body, for being uncomfortable, for going pee often and sleeping little, getting misshapen and then getting cut open so I could be born.



Thank you for adoring me when I was a 25 pound 6 month old with patchy hair and bad baby acne.



Thank you for the sacrifices you made so you could stay home and raise me.



Thank you for doing without so that I was never in need of anything.



Thank you for putting in the time to discipline me…. I never doubted your love.



Thank you for not selling me on the street corner during the difficult 2 year old years… and beyond. (Years 13-19 could be added to here as well).



Thank you for teaching me at home. Even when I didn’t like it, I appreciate the education you gave me. You taught me how to reason. And best of all, you passed on your love of reading and writing to me.



Thank you for allowing me to spread my wings. You always encouraged my independence. I hope I am as understanding, patient, and wise with my own children if one of them someday wants to tour Europe instead of finishing college.



Thank you for teaching me the value of hard work. You and dad modeled it yourself and encouraged, prodded, and made me work. I am thankful you did.



Thank you for praying for me when you didn’t know what else to do. The godly heritage you gave to me is priceless.



Thank you for being my mom.

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. 

 (Author Unknown)


Me and Mom at my 80s themed birthday party.
A mother's love knows no bounds.

Truth or Lie. Part II.

Mandy thinks she is 7 years old.

True. Do not try to convince her that she is actually 3. It gets ugly.

I bought acid washed, peg-legged jeans.

There is an 80s party coming up and I bought the pants as part of my costume. 

I'm apprehensive to wear them,

but my husband has convinced me that I look foxy in them. 

Pictures may or may not follow of me actually wearing the pants.

I played air piano in front of church on Sunday.

This is also true. 

I was asked to play the last song during the morning service at church. I sat down at the keyboard and my fingers were tickling the faux ivories and.... nothing. The piano had zero sound. 

Everyone was staring. 

The pastor turned around expectantly and said, "Let's close in song," in that solemn pastor-like voice. 

I shook my head and said, "I got nothin'."

After a few moments, someone started singing "Thank You Lord for Saving My Soul". 

I couldn't have agreed more.

Mullets rock.

Again with the 80s party. Mullets rocked the 80s! As I was writing this post, I was shopping for mullet wigs online. 

They are extravagant in their obnoxiousness.

Ehem.

Sorry about that. 

I didn't end up ordering the wigs. For one, they are extravagant in their obnoxiousness. 

And two, I didn't want to spend $8 each plus $7 shipping and handling on something that would inhibit other guests from being able to eat their dinner.

We have a toddler sized zucchini in our garden.

True. It happens every year. I pick and pick and pick and then all of a sudden I have HUGE zucchini that I can't even lift out of the dirt.

The dapper ring-bearer outfits modeled above were only $15 each.

True. This is the site.

I'm turning 30 next week and am happy about it.

"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."  

~Mark Twain

Jeff wrestled a cow and the cow won.

Jeff said, "He had 400 pounds on me and wouldn't listen to reason." A cow got into the barn where we store the hay and was wedged between the stacks. The result are some very bruised ribs. It could have been worse. Eek. 

Emma is working on inventing a machine that folds laundry

(go ahead and pre-order yours now).

Emma is very excited these days about inventing things. I enjoy watching her brain work. She often draws pictures and talks through the process. She's also working on a vacuum that sucks up toys and throws them into the correct location in a child's room.

Rem is walking fast and furious.

This right here is the lie. Rem isn't walking. Not even close. For being an early crawler, he has no interest in walking. 

I am painting my entryway a stellar shade of taupe.

I completed it yesterday. It is taupe-tacular.

I am painting an end table a stellar shade of red.

The jury is still out on whether or not this will happen. 

Thanks to all who participated in my quiz. As you can see, it's been eventful around here. :)

Truth or Lie.

There is so much to blog about, but nothing that is itching for its own post.

So I thought I would play a little game of "Truth or Lie." The following is a list of possible blog posts for recent events around here. I could write about each one and bore you to tears. Or we could play this fun game!

Which one is not true?

Mandy thinks she is 7 years old.

I bought acid washed, peg-legged jeans.

I played air piano in front of church on Sunday.

Mullets rock.

We have a toddler sized zucchini in our garden.

The dapper ring-bearer outfits modeled above were only $15 each.

I'm turning 30 next week and am happy about it.

Jeff wrestled a cow and the cow won.

Emma is working on inventing a machine that folds laundry 

(go ahead and pre-order yours now).

Rem is walking fast and furious.

I am painting my entryway a stellar shade of taupe.

I am painting an end table a stellar shade of red.

Okay, that's it for now. One of the above sentences is a complete un-truth. All the others are completely true (no partial truths around here).

Leave a comment if you have a guess. :)

Resting in friendship.

I was 16, nervous to the soles of my perfectly white Keds, and getting ready to fly from Portland to San Diego. I was taking a summer position to work in the dining hall at a Christian conference center on Palomar Mountain. I knew the director and his wife and that was it.

Did I mention I was nervous to the soles of my perfectly white Keds?

I worried I wouldn't make any friends. Little did I know that after a month at camp I would call my mom to have her extend the date of my plane ticket so I could stay another month. The girls I lived and worked with covered the spectrum of personality traits from daring to cautious, silly to quiet. During those late night talks, long, meandering hikes, treasured days off, and short afternoons by the pool, I got to know a group of girls whose friendships would forever be imprinted on my heart.

Hill, me, and Laura.
Seaside, Oregon 2010.

Losing it.

It sure would be awesome to do a post titled, "Missions Accomplished!"

But this isn't it. Think of it more as a pit-stop on the road to success.

Losing 50 pounds is really, really hard work. I don't enjoy it one bit. I much prefer to gain weight. If only all the mirrors in all the land were smashed, my conscience about living a healthy life didn't exist, and I didn't have a closet full of nice clothes that were 4 sizes smaller. Then I would sit around and eat brownies, Mac n' Cheese, lasagna, tacos without the salad, mashed potatoes and gravy... and that's just for lunch.

(August 2009)

I don't mind diet and exercise actually. It's the diet and exercise with little result or progress that I don't enjoy. Makes me want to lay around feel sorry for myself. And eat brownies.

Since Rem's birth, my body naturally shed about 25 pounds with mild exercise and no diet. That was before Christmas. Losing weight without really trying, that is fun stuff. Then reality set in. With an additional 25 pounds that was sticking like super glue, I realized I was going to have to start working hard.

(end of November 2009)

Here's what I've been doing since January 1st (6 months ago):

• exercise. I've done a few different things, either the 15 minute T-tapp Basic Workout, walking (2 miles), The Shred, or Windsor Pilates. Some with gusto, others without.

• Counting calories. SparkPeople.com is a free online service; I enter in what I ate during the day and their calculator tells me how many calories, carbs, protein, fiber it had. It's an easy way to keep track. Ever consume an entire bag of potato chips? The stomach ache is nothing compared to seeing on the computer screen that I just ate 2,976 calories.

I lost 6 pounds in 6 months. I think the experts say that is healthy, but I would really like to be done with this journey and get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I achieved it twice. Seems like I should be able to again.

I thought about what worked before and realized I would have to bump it up a notch. If T-tapp Total Workout (55 minutes) worked before, then I would do it again, plus the 7 Minute Miracle, plus walking. And add a couple more painful restrictions:

• Avoiding Dairy. Sniff. Sniff. Love the stuff. It doesn't love me.

• Avoiding sugar. Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Tears coursing down my face. Love the stuff. It makes me chubby.

My T-Tapp Total Workout was scratched and non-workable since the last time I used it with Mandy's baby-weight attempt. I kept thinking about doing the long workout again, but the T-Tapp DVDs are pretty expensive. I finally ordered a new DVD and started getting up an hour earlier. On alternate days, I'm following a Half-Marathon 14 week walking training schedule and walking, using T-Tapp technique. It looks a lot like race-walking. Do not mock. It's an Olympic Sport.

I look just like this during my morning race-walk. But I wear pants.

I walk between 2-4 miles, 4 days a week rain or shine. I'm loving it. I love being outside in the quiet. I walk a fast 15 minute mile, yet have the stillness to myself and God. He's rocking my world People! I sing. I pray. I pump my arms and use "linier allignment." And I walk back into the house a completely different woman than when I left. I'm ready to jump piles of laundry in a single bound. 

And I'm seeing significant changes in my body.

I started 3 weeks ago on this turbo charged workout schedule and have lost 6 more pounds. 

And I feel like this....

I still have a ways to go, yet actually feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in a year and a half.

I know I sound like an info-mercial for T-Tapp, I only mention it every other post or so. Wish I hadn't spent my energy on the Shred and $8.99, and some major joint pain. But T-Tapp DVDs aren't cheap... and I am. Yet, I believe Teresa Tapp is on to something with her lymph-node talk, lactic acid purging, linear alignment, and pelvis tilting. And I can't argue with the results. Not only do I feel strong and feel good (no back pain with no chiropractor visits), I've also lost inches. Lots of them. Like 35.75 inches from my upper body, hips, thighs, calves, and arms.

The key with any plan like this isn't just diet and exercise, its consistency and making wise choices. Seeing positive changes makes the motivation much easier to come by. Skinny jeans, are you reading this? I'm coming for you.

My training blog

It was only a decade ago that blogs did not exist. Al Gore hadn't really put the finishing touches on the good ol' internet. There wasn't anything to do online. A few sites existed, but basically they told you in a very boring way to call if you really wanted to learn anything. Email, now email was something! The cool people were emailing. Once a day, never more because we paid by the minute, we went online to get our mail, a process that took about 5 minutes of listening to screeching as the modem "connected". What was that sound for anyway? Was the computer using bat signals to communicate? My parents had a computer that was slower than snot, I tell you. Once the screeching stopped, the machine roared like a tractor pulling a rake up a hill. All that to get maybe one email. It was SO exciting.

In the midst of this computerized revolution, I was planning a trip to Europe. If it were now, I would get online and look at Travelosity for airline tickets, Trip Advisor for hotel reviews, Lonely Planet for hostel recommendations, and EuroRail.com for train tickets and schedules. I would be done in about 2 hours. As it was, planning the trip consisted of talking with people who had been there and spending hours and hours at the library looking at books about different sites that I didn't want to miss. The books had the latest prices and schedules supposedly, but the majority of the trip was left to, "We'll see once we get there."


"We" was my longtime friend Janelle and myself. This whole trip was Alaythia's doing. If you don't remember that story, click here. It was Alaythia me who got a message from the Lord and she I made a series of phone calls: 1) to my boyfriend to break up with him, 2) to my parents to tell them I broke up with Mr. Perfect and I wasn't going back to college to finish my degree, 3) to my college to tell them I wasn't going back as planned, and 4) to Janelle to convince her she needed to go to Europe with me. She agreed. Whew. So, after months of planning, we had our travel guide books in hand, a tentative schedule and an open-jaw ticket arriving in London and leaving for home from Rome with almost 2 months in between.

London to the English countryside

London to Paris

Paris to Berlin

Berlin to Austria

Austria back to France to Toulouse

Toulouse to Italy Switzerland

Switzerland to Italy

Venice

Florence

Rome

Sorrento

Pompe

Rome to home

Even though we had a Eurorail pass and it didn't matter how/when we used it, Janelle and I still chose to take night trains whenever possible. At the time, it seemed logical because a night train saved us a nights lodging as well. Youth hostels were about $16 and included breakfast. So of course we should risk life, limbs, and any sort of comfort and take night trains. It was from Toulouse, France to Italy that we accidentally got on the wrong end of a train that happened to split in the night while we were both sleeping... soundly. Instead of the warm Mediterranean, we woke up in Geneva, Switzerland and a thief had taken off with both of our cameras (secured around our necks). The rest of the journey was documented with a disposable camera and I also wrote down details in my journal.

It is this journal that got me reminiscing. I hadn't looked at it in years, but Emma found it and wanted to color in it. Are you kidding me, that's my first blog. I had it with me and wrote about the happenings of my life in Europe. Europe, child! I was young and free and had acid washed jeans! (I gave her a color book she forgot she had and she was happy.) How interesting my first blog would have been. No one reads my journal, yet I wrote as though I wished someone would. I've always known the blogging world needed me -- er, or I needed it. If Al invented the internet, then I'll claim inventing blogging. Strange that I haven't received a royalty check from Blogger.

It is as though I had Janelle take this picture with the express purpose of blogging about it. I didn't though. I have no idea what this picture is about.

I wrote about other strange things:

"Monday we left our temporary home at Schlossburg and caught the SKIBUS to Kitzbuhl, Austria where we intended to be on a train to Toulouse by 1pm. A usual, our plans didn't work out and we arrived an hour later to the train and couldn't get another train until the next morning. We were tired of Kitzbunel already so we journeyed on to Innsbrook, an equally enchanting town. We stayed at a mental hospital/youth hostel. Crazy.

Email was a phenomenon that had caught on all over the world.  Internet cafes were here and there, but we had to pay for every minute online. It was our main communication with our parents and friends back home. It was worth the $5 for 3 minutes. There was always the "work off-line option." That really saved my bacon. It was at one of these internet cafes in Austria that I received an email from my happily married parents:

"I read my long list of email and found that mom had written last week. She said that Black Lake camp asked her to be the head of housekeeping. She accepted the position starting June 1st. It's in Olympia. Olympia! I guess dad is going too, either that or they are splitting up -- unlikely since they are both partial to the canoe."

(I always felt like my head was too big in a literal sense when I was standing next to Janelle. She has a beautiful, small head. She also managed to take 5 items of clothing in her backpack and somehow come out every day looking exotic. That's why I don't have many pictures of us together. I was a little irritated that she was so cute... and that I had such a big head).

Venice Italy was one of my favorites spots. Everyone says it stinks, but it doesn't. I wrote about how it was unlike any where I had ever been, "It is quiet, yet bustling; serene yet exciting." I also wrote this:

"There are three big restaurants in the Piazza San Marco. I am sitting on the steps near one  of them and a string quartet is playing. Beautiful. Guess I should have let that guy take me to dinner. It is the perfect night for it. But I think he was a little short [always in tune with the important things] and a little bit of a stranger. Sometimes I wish I was more adventurous. Not every man is out to rape me or take all my money. Who knows, perhaps I could have made a friend."

Now as a mother to girls, I think adventure is over-rated. No strange Italian men. No traveling to Europe without me. No night trains. And again I say, no traveling to Europe without me. I have high hopes of returning to Europe. Jeff is even on board with the idea. We want to go in another decade or so and travel-school around Europe. Who knows what will exist by then, blogs might be a thing of the past. But I know I'll want to share the experience and I'll make my children blog about it too. Stay tuned....

The Shred, by Jillian Michaels - Review

I recently completed the 30 Day Shred, by Jillian Michaels. In my attempt to lose the last half of the baby weight, I was really excited about the prospect of losing "up to 20 pounds in 30 days." I convinced Jeff to do the workout with me through whining and some more whining about how it wasn't fair that I had to work so hard to lose weight gained from pregnancies. Besides, he had a pesky 5 pounds of "sympathy weight" that he was looking to lose.

The DVD includes 3 different workout levels, each about 27 minutes long. They are supposed to be 20 minutes, but the timer on my DVD player said 25 minutes plus every time. I looked online and even joined Jillian's online "team," but was still unable to find concrete information on how long a person should work on each level and what size of weights to use. I ended up asking some friends on FB who I knew completed the Shred. They each worked about a week to 10 days on the levels.

We started with level one and it was definitely very difficult for me. Before this I was doing my T-Tapp or pilates workouts 6 days a week plus walking 3 times a week. I couldn't even do a sissy push-up! I did level one for a week and could make it through the push-ups with my knees on the floor. I advanced to level 2 on day 8 because I was curious what was next and I had heard rumors that the exercises were not actually harder, just different. I would agree, although level 2 is challenging in that many of the movements are done from the plank position. Level 3 has a lot of jumping which really hurt my knees, although made me work really hard. After working through all three levels, I ended up doing a rotation, each day doing a different level.

I saw immediate results, after I made it through the grueling first few days when I thought I would die. I lost 4 pounds in the first week. I threw myself a party, (there may or may not have been a tub of ice cream involved) rejoicing all the way to the scale. Then I gained it all back plus 2 pounds. Arg. Arg again. My husband said that it was all muscle and I think I actually agree. I felt more toned and stronger. Plus I took my measurements every week and was seeing losses there. I would deffinetely recommend you take your measurements if you start something like this. It's as gratifying when the numbers on the scale say nothing is happening!

These are the measurements recommended by T-tapp:

• Pecs
• Bust/Chest
• Ribs
• Waist
• Abs
• Hips
• Right Upper Thigh
• Left Upper Thigh
• Right Lower Thigh
• Left Lower Thigh
• Right Calf
• Left Calf
• Right Upper Arm
• Left Upper Arms

I lost 4 and a half inches total, mostly from my hips and legs. Yay! I am wearing one size smaller in my jeans and had to break down and buy one pair even though I haven't met my goal. The scale, on the other hand, says that I am one pound heavier than when I started the Shred. Scale or no scale, I am happy with my results from the Shred and feel better about myself.

Jeff's review would be positive as well. He did the levels right along with me, using 11 pound weights in each hand (I used 3 pounders). He's a stud. His favorite level was 3 and mine was level 2. He saw definite toning in his arms and chest and his stomach is flatter. Keep in mind that he didn't have a weight issue to start with. But the number on the scale was bothering him and didn't match his driver's license information. * What woman's weight matches the DMV info? If I was going by that, I would be a runway model. * Anyway, he lost that pesky 5 pounds. The DMV records can rest easy now.

I'm ready for something else. The Shred was good. The Shred was fine. But I am ready for another hurdle. I just can't decide what to try next. Yoga? Px90? More Zumba? More T-Tapp? I still have 15 pounds left to go (pre-pregnancy weight). Not ready to give up yet....

An ordinary day with a better outcome.... plus a GIVEAWAY.

It's easy to appear perfect here. So white and bright and clean on my blog. I never post pictures of the nastiness (except if it is Bag Balm related). And I never, never yell at my kids. I never say nasty things to them. You think you know me... the perfect me.... but you don't.

This is what today looked like:

• Good morning world. Fed the baby at 7am. He spit up all over me and the sheets.
• I put on exercise clothes and made oatmeal for breakfast.
• I ate my oatmeal while feeding Rem some baby oatmeal with peach puree. Yum.
• Cleaned off the table while amazing husband loaded the dishwasher and started it.
• Picked-up the garbage around the house and found 15 dirty diapers sitting in the hallway where the garage can is supposed to be.
• Wondered where the garage can went.
• Said goodbye to my husband and sent the girls upstairs to get dressed, make their beds, and clean their room and put Rem in bed for a morning nap.
• Started the Shred DVD and began a very intense workout.
• Was interrupted by the girls coming down, one very smelly and one very unhappy with the smelly one. The girls started exercising with me, running through my legs during lunges and sitting on me when I did sit-ups. I endured the stench from Mandy's poopy diaper, then she decided to change her own dirty diaper and I paused the DVD to intervene.
• While I dealt with that mess, I wiped out the sink and cleaned the toilet because they were on my list for today from the motivated moms checklist.
• Rem was crying in his crib after hearing all the ruckus from dirty diaper #1 and I found that he had a dirty diaper too. Changed it making 2 for the morning.
• Tried to pick up the living room floor so I could vacuum and realized I forgot to give Rem his bottle. Sat down to feed him.
• Heard screaming from upstairs, "Mandy is cleaning the toilet and licking her hands!" I put the baby back in bed and ran upstairs to find not too bad of a mess, but plenty of germs ingested by Mandy. Gross.
• I encouraged the bed making, dressing, and room cleaning while I wiped out the sink and cleaned the toilet, changed the hand towel, and replenished the TP stash in the upstairs bathroom.
• Came back downstairs with a basket full of pink dirty clothes and vacuumed the living room, throwing everything from the floor onto the chair and couches. Another task to cross off my list.
• Ran to the basement and started a load of laundry and brought up 3 loads of clean and dry clothes to be folded. Added them to the couch to be folded later.
• Smelled something icky and realized it was me. Thought about taking a shower.
• Told Mandy to go to the potty and she did it. Amazing. Yay for dry underwear!
• Let the girls choose a Christian movie to watch on YouTube. They chose Adventures In Odessey. 
• I changed the sheets on the bed in my room where Rem puked on them and then stretched out on the comfy bed to take in some of God's Word. I read in Micah and then prayed for patience, endurance, and joy. Reminded me of an old cartoon called Anamaniacs: Pinky would ask Brain, "What are we going to do today Brain?" He would answer, "Same thing we do every day Pinky. Try and take over the world." That's my life. Every day: try to take over the world with patience, endurance, and joy. I also prayed for focus of thought as I banished the Anamaniacs and tried to pray again.
• Started another 10 minute continuation of movie for the girls and once again thought about a shower. The dishwasher was still running AND the washing machine. The combination would have been horrible, so instead I called my sister to see if she had done the Shred and more importantly to gloat that I had. While chatting, I swept the floor in the dining room, kitchen, and entryway.
• Another 10 minutes gone. The girls then watched a really strange, but Biblically accurate portrayal of Adam and Eve and I ran to take a shower. Hot/cold, hot/cold, hot/cold. Love water fluctuation in old houses! I was in and out and dressed in 5 minutes, face moisturized, and moose in my hair, hoping for the best.
• I found a wall in the hall covered in blue ink. I called for Mandy and she claimed she drew me a pretty picture. I got out the soft scrub and she scrubbed (to no avail). 
• I realized I was almost done with my extra chores for today and quickly did the last thing on the list, clean out the freezer. I got sloppy joes out for lunch.
• Moving on, I encouraged the girls to help me fold three loads of laundry by paying them with one piece of candy when they were finished. Both helped and folded with beautiful attitudes. 
• UNTIL we were done and I asked Mandy to go use the potty. She threw a royal fit, screaming, and throwing herself around. I left her alone to work out her frustrations until I heard, "Stupid mommy. Stupid." At that point she was made to change locations to the time-out chair where she encountered some "picy" on her tongue and other discipline. She also lost all chances of a candy prize.
• We then attempted school. Emma got out her book and reviewed the last letter while I talked with Mandy. She wanted to play Play-doh and I said sure, as soon as you go use the potty. She obediently walked into the bathroom and went with no complaint and dry underwear. Strange child.
• Rem woke up from his nap and had a poopy diaper. Changed #3 for the day.
• Rem played on the floor, Mandy played with Doh, and repeated everything I said while I talked with Emma about "C" "O" and "Q." Such similar looking letters, but are oh, so different.
• Almost time for lunch, I put carrots in the oven to roast with seasoning salt, salt, and pepper. 
• Made the girls set the table.
• Was thankful for hard to break Corel dishes.
• Nursed the baby who was far more interested in the dish breaking attempts in the dining room.
• Got a call from my husband saying he would be late for lunch.
• Smelled something gross and realized it was Mandy in her nice, clean (formerly) underwear. Changed #4 for the day.
• The baby cried for more food.
• Finally sat everyone down for lunch. Sloppy joes and carrots for us, oatmeal and apple sauce for the baby.

And here I sit, the house quiet with all three napping. My list isn't all that impressive, although I was a tad more motivated than usual. Moms have a constant "to-do" that look like this. Finish one thing, just to realize there is more to be done somewhere else. It is a relentless job.

I really reached a low this last Fall. The relentless, all consuming push of motherhood had taken the best of me and I was beaten. Although I had a new baby, it wasn't post-partum depression. I was void of joy. It was a bad attitude leaving me irritated with life 24/7. One morning in particular I woke up with dread like any other morning. My loving husband kissed me and tried to snuggle as I tried to hovel deeper under the covers, "What do you have going on today," He pleasantly asked. And I snapped back, "The same horrible day I always have. The children will make messes and be naughty, the house will be a filthy mess. I DON'T WANT THIS DAY!" And he was sorry for asking and happy he got to go to work.

On that morning, I finally grumped out of bed at the last possible moment and turned on the computer. A friend posted on Facebook that Dobson had a great podcast to listen to called, "Real Help for Angry Moms." I knew I needed to listen to it. I put a movie on for the girls and found the podcast on and listened while I cleaned a really yucky kitchen. I cried all the way through both episodes. The speaker, Julie Ann Barnhill talked about the frustrations of motherhood. Yes, they are normal. Yes, it's hard. And here is how to get through it without the anger. Without the stress and irritation that robs all the joy from the process.

I immediately ordered her book, "She's Gonna Blow, real help for moms dealing with anger." When it arrived in the mail a few days later, I devoured the contents. For so long I had known that I had a problem with anger, even reached out to a few other moms asking how they dealt with it, but received no real help. This book gave me real help.  Julie Ann defines the anger moms feel and then shows how to overcome it and change. Along the way, she gives concrete ideas based on Scripture. The book was just what I needed.

All this happened in early December and the road to change has come very, very hard for me. There are 40,000 things a day that are irritating. If you made it through my to-do list for today, you saw that I didn't finish my work-out, I had to change 4 gross poops (one being in underwear), found ink pen on my wall, was called "stupid" by a child, taught school, potty trained a 2 year old, and had a husband who was late for a meal I prepared. All of those things are reasons for me to simmer, be irritated and snappy and/or explode. But I didn't. By the grace of God and his ever sufficient grace, I am gaining ground and changing. I found joy and pleasure with my children like I've only heard about on blogs. My God is so good.

I know I'm not alone, but it is not an easy thing to talk about. Although I don't expect lots of comments saying, "I totally understand," I hope to lure you in with the promise of a free book. So, I'm giving away a "She's Gonna Blow," book to one lucky mom who is ready to read it. Enter to win by leaving a comment and I will randomly draw a winner on Thursday, April 29th. My only condition is that you are willing to read the book and that you think you might learn something. If your greatest life's stress is whether you should pick your toenails or watch Oprah today, then you need not apply.

Have a joy filled day,

Hair today and gone tomorrow

There is something about spring that makes me restless with my hair.

With all that is important going on in the world, I'm concerned with hair. Shallow I know. But the way I see it, I better go crazy with what I can because pretty soon our gonverment will find a way to control what I do with my hair too.

I was playing around at DailyMakeover.com again. Such a fun place to get lost on a rainy afternoon while the kids nap. Just upload a picture of yourself and instantly change your outward appearance -- no sit-ups required. A new feature is available that allows you to copy a celebrity's look. Can you guess which of my above glamor shots is borrowed from Jennifer Aniston? Or Shakira? Are the purple earrings too much?

In all seriousness [and this is really serious], I'm thinking of changing my hair. For real. Not just on the computer. I am currently growing out my A-line and that leaves me with a rather boring blah, blah brown "bob." Although someone gave me a compliment the other day and said, "I love your hair because it never looks super perfect." How sweet.... maybe. Sort of. I'll take what I can get.

Emma thinks we should both grow our hair out this year and get our hair cut when she is six (in November) to "give to children who are trying not to die." She's pretty convincing when she puts it that way. Emma's friend Heidi told her about Locks of Love and Emma thinks it is a great idea. I'm not opposed to having long hair again, but I would need to change the color or something.

Here are my options:

• black
• brown with red hi-lights
• black with bangs
• red with bangs
• pink [Emma's choice] with or without bangs

* Please note that "brown with bangs" is not an option because I tried that and was so often confused with my mother that it grew annoying. Not that I don't adore my mother and think that she is gorgeous, but people were actually saying things like, "Sherri, you haven't aged a bit," and "Where's Tom? It's been ages." Ya, like 25 years or so. *




If you would take a moment to forget about everything else important in this world and vote on my little survey, I would appreciate it. Leave a comment with any suggestions.

PS
Looks like I wasn't the only one having fun...

Just like mommy....

Emma as a brunette:

Defining me

I am a wife. I am a mother. It is who I am. There was a day when I was not defined by these roles. Or these rolls either. Get it? Roles. Rolls.

Life was simpler and more like a Wheat Thin as compared to the rich complexities of a 12 layer chocolate cake of my current life.

A couple friends have recently posted about defining moments in their lives. I think I will too. Kind of like those cheesy email surveys you are supposed to send to 20 friends. "Which one of your friends will complete this first?" I find myself completing them each time they come around. For the record I am wearing a yellow sweater and my favorite food is spaghetti with angel hair noodles. Make sense out of that one.

A few years ago my grandma gave me an envelope full of pictures from my childhood. I had time to kill (this was obviously more than 5 years back) and I made a scrapbook. Behold the magic of Creative Memories. I took pictures of the scrapbook to highlight some of my somewhat and mostly shallow defining moments.

Childhood:

(good luck reading any of the captions. My computer's camera reversed the images. You could hold your computer screen up to a mirror to read them. Or you could come over and I would gladly show you my AWESOME scrapbook. Just please don't tell anyone I claim to be a photographer.)

Barbies, Barbies, and more Barbies, and one Ken

my sister as my favorite playmate

a super pink room, including the carpet (thanks dad)

books about missionaries because I was going to be one someday

homeschool friends and friends from church

bangs that started at the middle of my head

The Teen Years:

Pillazo pants

my first airplane ride and the beginning of an unquenchable desire for travel

homeschool, correspondence school, public school, and private school

playing piano in church and singing in the choir

PCCC, the CA camp where I worked during the summers

Dr. Pepper and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

growing out the bangs that started at the middle of my head. we've had a sketchy relationship ever since, bangs and me

The College Days:

finally some tall friends, amazing and wonderful too

oversized sweaters and faded blue jeans

mostly harmless practical jokes

Dr. Pepper and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

While You Were Sleeping

first boyfriend

20 extra pounds because of always asking for extra gravy from the cute cafeteria guy (who was not my first boyfriend)

The VW Rabbit that could actually hop

Getting Married, the pre-child years:

learning twitterpated is fun, but committed love is better

a home to decorate

dilutionally thinking I could have all-white anything while living on the farm

trading up to a VW Jetta

living the DINK life (double-income-no-kids)

sleeping in and snuggling

Africa

learning what love really means

Mommyhood:

throwing up in every bathroom in the Magic Kingdom. throwing up in general = pregnancy

"If any of you lacks wisdom..." (James 1:10) as my life's theme

gaining weight, losing weight, gaining weight, losing weight, gaining weight, and still trying to lose weight

Hooter Hider

sleep deprivation

family vacations

thinking my kids are so fantastic, and cute, and funny

finally something to take pictures of and loving it

the best days of my life