Self-tanning Ganache

My husband was humming, "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas."

His merry tune was less to do with the cool June weather and more to do with the snowy white complexion of my legs.

I am white as a sheet these days. I look around and see tan people, I envy them, but I know they did one of three things to become bronze instead of sheet-like. (Or they aren't causation, having darker skinned ethnicity would really help).

1) Fake and bake, ya, they tell us it is horrible for you, but it gives the glo and what is more fun than laying na-ked in a spaceship-like thing? 

2) Real sun, zero days over 80 degrees in 9 months in the NW, I know they must have been on an exotic vacation. 

3) Tan in a tube, it stinks but gives the elution of darker skin, what's not to love? Oh ya, the smell and the nasty chemicals.

I've participated in the above three bronze-achieving activities in the past. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I love the look of tanned skin. I'm with my husband on this one -- I think the color white should be reserved for wedding dresses, snow, and refrigerators.

My recent lotion making adventure had me wondering if I could make a chemical-free self-tanner in a tube. With dreams of deep, dark, skin, I turned to Google for advice. They came up with the reoccurring suggestion to use cocoa powder.

What did I have to lose? 

Well, maybe my pride.

I mixed equal parts cocoa powder and vanilla spice lotion (homemade).

It was way too thick, so I added twice as much lotion.

I ended up with a ganache-like consistency that smelled delicious. 

And I was very hungry and repulsed at the same time.

I smeared it on my pasty-white leg.

I think the results are quite natural looking.

I was hoping to perform this experiment in private and then Mandy got up from her nap.

Her running dialog went something like this:

"What are you doing?

Is that frosting?

Why are you putting frosting on yer-self?

Can I put frosting on my-self?

Can I lick your leg?"

I decided the "bronze cocoa" tan was a bit much.

Just a bit.

So I wiped it all off.

I tried and tried and tried to take a non-creepy picture of my legs. Really I did. It is impossible.

The leg on the left is cocoa-ed. The leg on the right is white as snow. Do you see a subtle difference?

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....."

The chemicals are nasty in regular self-tanners and they stink.

Yet, they work.

My review of the cocoa powder lotion?

The all-natural formula didn't actually work, took about half an hour to apply and then wipe off, and I had to shower before I went to bed because other reviewers said the un-tinted residual left on my skin would come off on my bed sheets and stain then. How ironic.

Looks like the only solution is an exotic vacation to the sun with plenty of time to lay around and eat ganache.

Exotic vacation to Mexico in November of 2009.

My skin color matches a newborn. I guess all that sun didn't help.

Because I was looking at Mexico pictures and found this.....

And suddenly I don't care any more that I'm not tan....

Or that I have Christmas songs running through my head in June....

Or that I just posted creepy pictures of my legs on the internet.

Have a beautifully pale day,